Seriously - dude, if you don't keep it down, I'm gonna have to call the Stormtroopers, and let's just say you won't be getting to Tosche Station to pick up those power converters for at least 15 to life.

It's a hardcore, uncensored Michael Showalter Showalter showdown when Paul Rudd gets Randy all over his interview with, uh, Michael Showalter.

The musical "Cats"? Oh, so short-sighted. A Week of Kindness has conscripted the entire wild kingdom to perform in in their all-singing, all-winging, all-stampeding, all-breeding theatrical extravaganza.

Condi, Karl, W. 'n Dick's Legion of Doom hoists up their collective spandex to take on global swarming when Al, Obama, Hil and Edwards posse up to save the country.

Sometimes a checking account is just a checking account. Sometimes a checking account is a proxy by which a couple can semi-safely argue about their comically dysfunctional romatic relationship. Usually, though, it's just a checking account.

Ah, the interweb. It brings us laughter and joy and sketch comedy and special chat places where people who enjoy collecting plush unicorns and antique baked bean tins can virtually gather for one-handed typing and companionship. But do you know what it can't bring? Your friend's penis back after it's been lopped off and festively gift-wrapped.


Thanks, Al Gore. Thanks a lot for the super-duper invention.

At last, a Clinton scandal that *doesn't* involve bodily fluids or real estate ventures.

"Hey, mind if I borrow your Hey Soul Classics?"

"No, my brother- you've got to get your own."

Seriously. I mean it. Reach one inch closer, and you draw back a stump.

Heir-head Paris Hilton and diminutive Xenu zealot Tom Cruise scare up quite a scene on the silver screen in B-movie trailers "It Came With No Talent" and "The Wolf-boy!". Or am I just projecting?

Carlos just wants to bring a little character to the PSA he's filming. Too bad this character is big with the assclownitry.

Using The Force to KO the Dark Side is A-OK. Using The Force to JO yourself...not so much.