Number of male genitalia (includes testicles AND penis) I saw today drawn on advertisements posted on New York subway platforms: 8

Number of those placed by mouths or breasts on advertisements: 3

Number of facial hair recreations (includes mustaches AND beards) I saw today drawn on advertisements posted on New York subway platforms: 14

Number of those on faces: 9

Number of Naked Cowboys seen on trip including stops from 57th Street to 23rd Street: 2*

Number of times I was almost hit by cabs: 3

Number of times I was offered literature about "the glorious white race": 1

Number of dogs seen carried in backpacks or front-side baby slings: 5

Number of times businesswomen in a rush who sarcastically said, "Excuse meeeeeeee," trying to get around me or other pedestrians: an astounding 6

Number of children who waved because they recognised me from when I was a manny: 2

Number of times I almost bought schwarma: 10

Number of old acquaintances who once ran an Onion-style fake newspaper in boston called the WEEKLY WEEK and who now work as an editor for Harper's Magazine: 1

Number of old tv theme songs stuck in my head: 1 (it's the one to What's Happenin')

Number of vlogs I'm behind on: 2

Number of Bratz the world needs: 0

Number it has: 4

Number of times I used the word "numinous" today: 2

Number of working toilets in this coffee shop whose name rhymes with "Martuck's": 1

Number of drunk, over 60, homeless people in it: 2

Number of grunts I hear from within per minute: 15

Number of Martuck's employees ignoring the aging, homeless-person boinking taking place all over the bathroom: 5

Number of seconds from now I'll be leaving: 1

* I'm not sure if the original is aware of the knock off strutting about pretending to be him-but then, prehaps Naked Cowboy Enterprises LLC is hiring. Who knows. Naked Cowboys work in mysterious ways.